Sunday, March 3, 2013

Insecure Writers Support Group

Its really hard to type this with a cat lying across my forearms....

Where was I? Oh yeah, IWSG!  This Wednesday is the one time a month when I'm actually invited to share my insecurities (the rest of the time I just do it without any provocation.)

Stop on over and check it out here!

Now, on to my most recent insecurity.  Advance warning: this one's depressing.

Over the last month or so, my family has been struggling with health issues.  Now, I count my blessings because my daughter, who has billiary atresia, is the picture of health, and my husband and myself are also perfectly healthy.  But a couple of my close family members have been suffering.  And one of them is really quite young.  I feel the weight of this all press down on me, and it only adds to the anxious, impatient feeling that I sometimes get regarding my writing.  

Part of me is afraid that I've found my dream too late.  What if I never get an agent/get published? Sure, I'm only thirty years old, but that means nothing.  I feel time ticking by and it bothers me.  I feel like writing is what I was meant for.  And every day I spend trapped in my current career is another day wasted.  What if I'm one of those people who drops dead from some random issue at age 31???!!

I know all kinds of reasons that I shouldn't worry about this- but at present moment, I'm just not buying them.  I know:

 1) Anything could happen at any moment.  A twenty year old writer is in much danger of this as a sixty year old.  (ie: chill...)

2) It will happen when it happens and nothing I do is going to really speed up the process.  Every moment that passes is as moment to get better, to grow, develop, yadda, yadda... (ie: chill...)

3) It's actually kind of a good thing that I let this writing thing be overshadowed by life for a while.  I've had so many life experiences (joyful and painful) that I believe make me a better writer as I can "write what I know" (ie: chiiillllll....)

4) Many writers weren't published until later in life, and have been very successful.  Although, Ms. Gabaldon, its your fault! I remember you saying in an interview that turning 30 was the impetus for you to finally write that novel- because some classic author or other died at 36.  But we all knowI'm no Diana Gabaldon.  Insert insane cackle here.  (ie: we've missed the chill express.  the boat has left the dock. we've lost her.)

Do any of you worry about this? Or have I just gifted you with one more insecurity?  (They are catching you know...)






6 comments:

  1. Don't feel the pressure of time. My first book didn't come out until I was in my forties. Yes, anything could happen, but you'll stress yourself out trying to plan for it. Just keep moving forward!

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  2. Alex is right don't stress yourself out and keep writing.

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  3. I actually also thought about it yesterday when I read about an author who died of cancer at 33, two years before her first book was published.

    BUT. I decided to use it as motivation instead. I don't want to die without a legacy, and writing gives me my best shot.

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  4. Watching my kids get older definitely gets the tick-tock going in my head. Hard to channel that into motivation in day-to-day life, but it's easier when I'm at the diner, and I'm in my blocked-out writing time.

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  5. Not really. I already went over this speedbump--I quit my job to write 18 months ago. And I've never been happier.

    Lauren
    Lauren-ritz.blogspot.com

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    1. Oooh... I really hate you:) Joke. This is awesome! Congratulations!!!

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I'd love to hear your musings :)