Where was I? Oh yeah, IWSG! This Wednesday is the one time a month when I'm actually invited to share my insecurities (the rest of the time I just do it without any provocation.)
Stop on over and check it out here!
Now, on to my most recent insecurity. Advance warning: this one's depressing.
Over the last month or so, my family has been struggling with health issues. Now, I count my blessings because my daughter, who has billiary atresia, is the picture of health, and my husband and myself are also perfectly healthy. But a couple of my close family members have been suffering. And one of them is really quite young. I feel the weight of this all press down on me, and it only adds to the anxious, impatient feeling that I sometimes get regarding my writing.
Part of me is afraid that I've found my dream too late. What if I never get an agent/get published? Sure, I'm only thirty years old, but that means nothing. I feel time ticking by and it bothers me. I feel like writing is what I was meant for. And every day I spend trapped in my current career is another day wasted. What if I'm one of those people who drops dead from some random issue at age 31???!!
I know all kinds of reasons that I shouldn't worry about this- but at present moment, I'm just not buying them. I know:
1) Anything could happen at any moment. A twenty year old writer is in much danger of this as a sixty year old. (ie: chill...)
2) It will happen when it happens and nothing I do is going to really speed up the process. Every moment that passes is as moment to get better, to grow, develop, yadda, yadda... (ie: chill...)
3) It's actually kind of a good thing that I let this writing thing be overshadowed by life for a while. I've had so many life experiences (joyful and painful) that I believe make me a better writer as I can "write what I know" (ie: chiiillllll....)
4) Many writers weren't published until later in life, and have been very successful. Although, Ms. Gabaldon, its your fault! I remember you saying in an interview that turning 30 was the impetus for you to finally write that novel- because some classic author or other died at 36. But we all knowI'm no Diana Gabaldon. Insert insane cackle here. (ie: we've missed the chill express. the boat has left the dock. we've lost her.)
Do any of you worry about this? Or have I just gifted you with one more insecurity? (They are catching you know...)
Don't feel the pressure of time. My first book didn't come out until I was in my forties. Yes, anything could happen, but you'll stress yourself out trying to plan for it. Just keep moving forward!
ReplyDeleteAlex is right don't stress yourself out and keep writing.
ReplyDeleteI actually also thought about it yesterday when I read about an author who died of cancer at 33, two years before her first book was published.
ReplyDeleteBUT. I decided to use it as motivation instead. I don't want to die without a legacy, and writing gives me my best shot.
Watching my kids get older definitely gets the tick-tock going in my head. Hard to channel that into motivation in day-to-day life, but it's easier when I'm at the diner, and I'm in my blocked-out writing time.
ReplyDeleteNot really. I already went over this speedbump--I quit my job to write 18 months ago. And I've never been happier.
ReplyDeleteLauren
Lauren-ritz.blogspot.com
Oooh... I really hate you:) Joke. This is awesome! Congratulations!!!
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