Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Insecure Writers Support Group

What it is here.

Typically, I would post something uplifting or encouraging, but this month I admit I'm struggling.

So, here is my insecurity, bared for all the world (okay not ALL the world by any means) to see.  I'm sure there's an exhibitionist joke in there somewhere.

Insecurity for the month:

I've worked my butt off, researched, slaved, sacrificed family time, cried, been sleepless, and endured more highs and lows than a roller coaster.  I've finally found the thing my very SOUL needs to do.  And it might be for nothing.

I think I've just pinned so much on this dream, this thing that I NEED to do to LIVE, that I don't know what to do with myself when I'm not as successful as I'd hoped.

Now, here's the crux.  Lots of times authors feel like they're just not good enough.  It's a horrible feeling.  I get that.  This isn't that.  I know the things I've created are viable.  Now, I'm not saying they couldn't be improved, expanded, edited, etc... but seriously, they're GOOD.  If I were to find my stuff on  a bookshelf, written by someone else, I'd dash out of the store with my arms full of books cackling in glee, overjoyed that I'd found a perfect fit.

I've gotten lots of amazing feedback from friends (you know the honest kind who hopefully would tell me if it sucked) asking what else I've got, etc.  My critique group participation has become limited because, frankly, there's not much I get back besides "this is awesome."

And yet.  Though I've gotten some requests from awesome agents, they've so far ended in rejection.  If the rejection was accompanied by some feedback, even so much as "this is stupid,"  I could fix whatever it is that's wrong.  But it's always the same "just not quite for me."  It's enough to make a girl drink.  And eat lots of chocolate. I mean lots.  I never knew there was such a thing as too much chocolate, but guess what?  There is.

What I've lost most recently is my fire for editing.  I know I've sent out my last manuscript too soon, but I'm just tired.  I didn't have it in me to do several rounds of editing and soul-pouring on something that will never see the light of day.  Overtime at work, three year old, clutching my dream in my pale white knuckled fingers... I'm tired.

Sorry for all the whining.  I try not to do it... but I needed to indulge myself because this is getting ridiculous    Any suggestions?  Have you ever been burned out?

PS: Thanks for all the IWSG peeps who keep on encouraging each other, and to the writing community in general, who as a whole is one of the most awesome and supportive networks of potentially competing people that I've ever seen.  Writers could teach the rest of the world a lot about compassion for your fellow man!

Best of luck everyone.


  1. Well, you certainly have your hands full, and I understand that perfectly. I get discouraged during the editing process, too. I worry that I'm doing it for nothing.

    I'll just keep plowing forward and hope for the best.

  2. "If I were to find my stuff on a bookshelf, written by someone else, I'd dash out of the store with my arms full of books cackling in glee, overjoyed that I'd found a perfect fit." <--- LOVE.

    And I wish I could feel that way about my own work.

  3. I've been doing a lot of soul-searching lately about the concept of what it means to be a "successful" writer. I used to think it meant being Ann Rice or Terry Brooks. Lately, though, I don't think that's it, at least for me. What really makes me happpy is writing and self-publishing. I think for me, that's what success is--finishing books and putting them out there for the world. Yeah, it would be cool to be the next Amanda Hocking, but at the end of the day, I'd still just be writing and self-publishing. I guess I'm just rambling here, but please know you're not alone! Success is such a funky, elusive beast!

  4. I get this. I sooooooo get this. I think it's even more difficult when you know you're there, you know you have the talent, but the stars just aren't lining up for you yet. It's heart wrenching!!!!! But I also believe that somewhere deep down inside of you you *know* it's going to happen. That's why you have to keep going. Honestly, facing rejection and querying was one of the HARDEST things I've ever been through. Ever. And this is over cancer and other things that are difficult. So what you're feeling is SO validated... embrace that it's miserable, but that you also know you'll keep pushing.

    *Huge ginormous hugs* I'm so sorry you're in this place right now! I hope you can climb out of it soon! I totally believe in you.

  5. You guys are all amazing! Thanks for letting me whine, and for being awesome! The unflagging belief is still there, it just needs some polishing to shine it back up! :)

  6. When I get in a mood like what you're describing, I need to step back for a bit. Play video games. Catch up on a show. Tinker in my nerd cave in the basement. I still need to do something for me, but it can't be writing or editing. After a little while, something inside relaxes, lets go, and I can edit and/or write without wanting to nuke the site from orbit.

    Good luck!


I'd love to hear your musings :)